[Gerrard On soul scorer ]
SQUEAKY bum time? That’ll be an extra box of Andrex for Mr Alex Ferguson, care of Old Trafford, Manchester, then.
The way things have been turned on their head over the past eight days, there is only one title-chasing manager you could suggest is cracking up.
In fact if Rafa Benitez enjoys a better fortnight than the past one, Liverpool fans may well be looking back on this season as the greatest in their glorious history.
Real Madrid sent to their record Champions League defeat, Manchester United whacked 4-1 in their own back yard, a new £20million contract in the bag — and the biggest prize of all looming into view.
Eight days ago that Premier League crown was all but packaged and ready to deliver to Old Trafford once again.
Now, though, suddenly and unbelievably, a gap that everyone outside Merseyside expected to be seven points is now down to just one. Liverpool are flying after a Steven Gerrard hat-trick and Albert Riera and Dirk Kuyt strikes.
The goal difference which was so heavily in United’s favour has been transformed to such extent that Liverpool’s is now actually better.
But perhaps the most crucial factor of all, is that by the time Fergie’s choking champions are next in action — against Aston Villa — they will almost certainly be the ones playing catch-up.
Benitez had insisted his rampant Reds may well have to win every one of their nine games to bring that Holy Grail back to Anfield for the first time since 1990.
And, of course, that is one thing they have already proved is not beyond them, having done likewise in run-in three years ago.
Yesterday they crossed the first win off the list.
And if they sustain this form throughout the finale, you will not find too many willing to bet against them rattling up the other eight either.
What a contrast, then, with how things have come apart at the seams 60 miles down the M62.
While Manchester United have ranted, raged and rocked, Liverpool have simply rolled over everyone and everything put in their path.
Thirteen goals in three games, Gerrard in the form of his life, Fernando Torres looking exactly what he is — the best striker in Europe — and the team playing with more confidence by the week.
The same team that has so often been accused of being far too cautious for their own good has rediscovered the way to tear opponents apart.
More importantly, they are doing it from the word go and refusing to take their foot off the throat until the final whistle. Hence manager Benitez’s disappointment that his side “only” managed to rattle up five against Villa.
Although, given the way everything else has fallen into place for him recently, he cannot exactly complain too much.
Certainly all those old stats about being so slow out of the blocks have been well and truly brushed under the carpet over the past two weeks.
Yesterday it took just seven minutes for Kuyt to drill the Reds ahead, driving home the rebound after Xabi Alonso headed Gerrard’s free-kick against the bar.
It ultimately ended as a thrashing but had it not been for two truly world class saves from Pepe Reina to deny John Carew, Liverpool could quite feasibly have been behind. Instead they were home and hosed before the half-time cuppa, as they produced a masterclass in finishing, while Villa were doing the same — on how not to defend.
First up Reina, reaching 100 clean sheets in 197 games, a club record, took aim with a pinpoint punt downfield, and Riera almost took the net from the posts with his 18-yard thunderbolt.
Nigel Reo-Coker then capped a nightmare personal 45 minutes by clipping winger Riera in the box, handing Gerrard the first of his treble.
And while there was a time when Benitez would have effectively pulled up the stumps and settled for that, things are vastly different now.
So it was no real surprise that five minutes after the break they were four in front, once more thanks to the trusty right boot of their captain.
This time Alonso rolled a free-kick half a yard to the right, and Gerrard found the corner of Brad Friedel’s net with the most clinical of side footers.
Friedel was celebrating his 182nd successive Premier League appearance — a record the Villa keeper will be unable to extend.
Referee Martin Atkinson sent him packing for bringing Torres crashing down as he roared in on goal.
A penalty it clearly was. A red card was perhaps harsh.
That was of no concern to England midfielder Gerrard as he despatched the penalty past substitute stopper Brad Guzan.
In fact that was just about the only good news for Ferguson all weekend, as Friedel will now be banned for the trip to Old Trafford when Premier League business resumes after the international break.
Mind you, the men in the red of United will not exactly be at full strength either.
Football — bloody hell, eh Sir Al
